Demi Gray

A blog for those identifying as demisexual or gray-asexual.

Hey, recently I explained the concept of demi-sexuality to my friends, because they asked. As a response they said 'so, just a relationship then?', which is a response I am fairly used to getting now but I don't know how to describe the differences between the two things. Have you come across this and do you have any tips on dislodging the notion?

— Asked by Anonymous

Ah yes, the classic “but isn’t that normal?”

"Normal" means finding a person, thinking they’re sexually attractive and desiring them sexually, and then choosing to wait to have sex with them for whatever reasonmaybe you want to wait to see if the person is not a creeper, maybe you have religious reasons, maybe you want some form of commitment from them first, etc.

Demisexual means being completely unable to find anyone sexually attractive until an emotional connection is formed, and even then, sexual attraction might not develop. The difference is choice. Demisexuals are not choosing to wait. They are simply wired the way they are.

It’s also worth noting that demisexuals can also choose to have casual sex or sex outside a romantic relationship if they want to. They can have one night stands and friends with benefits. *cough* What demisexuals cannot choose is whether or not they are sexually attracted to the person.

Edit: I forgot to answer the first part of your question. I have encountered this a couple times, but it was from people who were already willing to accept demisexuality and just wanted clarification.


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    This is a really great distinction that I’ve been trying to explain to people when I get the response of “Oh, every...
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    "Hola. Hace poco les expliqué el concepto de demisexualidad a mis amigos, porque me lo preguntaron. Lo que respondieron...
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    The majority of the “normal” people I know (leaving aside how many of them are trans, bi, or whatever) can recognize...
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